Obituary of the Female Artist

by Amber Palmer

 

Beloved _______ was found dead ________ 
		Writer				      in her home
		Painter				      in a ditch	
		Poet				      in a hotel     
		Playwright			      in a hospital
		Sculptor			      in the lake

after (pick the most applicable answer): 
	   A) a long battle with lung cancer 
	   B) a heroin overdose
	   C) walking herself into the ocean with a pocketful of rocks
	   D) a cocaine overdose
	   E) putting her head in an oven 
	   F) hanging herself with her shoe laces. 

She is survived by _________________
				  her adoring husband
				  her indifferent husband
				  her neglectful kids
				  her distraught parents
				  her “special female friend”. 
				  No one.

She will be remembered as ___________________________ 
						    The Female F. Scott Fitzgerald
						    The Female Hans Bellmer
						    The Female Picasso
						    The Female David Mamet
						    The Female Anton Breton.

Her work is out of print and unavailable on Amazon. 

 


Amber Palmer is a playwright currently based out of Kalamazoo Michigan. Her work has been read at Activate Midwest: New Play Festival, Flint Repertory Theatre New Works Festival, Pegasus PlayLab, Bristol Valley Theater, and Theatre Kalamazoo New Play Festival. A monologue from her play “It’s a Small World (or The Robot Play)” is published in Best Men’s Monologues of 2019 (Smith and Kraus). Her play “The Speedy Gonzales Memorial Turtle Sanctuary” is a finalist for City Theatre’s National Award for Short Playwriting (2019) and a regional finalist for the Gary Garrison 10 Minute Play Award (Region 3, 2018). She will graduate with her M.F.A. in Playwriting from Western Michigan University in Spring 2020. Her work can be seen this fall at The Mitten Lab (“Lacking Experience”), Tipping Point Theatre (“The Speedy Gonzales Memorial Turtle Sanctuary”), and The Q Collective (“Baby Dyke Whisperer”).